The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.
SAMUEL JOHNSON

“Nice” is one of those 4-letter words!

The father of an old friend of mine was my family’s attorney until he retired. My mother told him once that he was always such a nice man, and that was true. He never had an unkind word to say about anyone or anything, even in the most difficult of circumstances, plus he was always smiling. He replied with “it is easier to be nice because it takes less energy, and no good comes from being rude.” Now I happen to know that a lot of times there wasn’t much to smile about in his life, but there he was, always at his best.

I look around, and it isn’t often such a person presents in our lives. But, when they do, we want to be around them. They make us feel good about ourselves, and the best part is that they always manage to make us smile in some way. The old saying that “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” is true, but I have seen vinegar attract a lot of things too; things which some people seem to view as a “positive” advantage as well.

What has happened to us that makes us poised and ready to jump on anyone about anything? What has happened to us when we scoff at someone’s good fortune? Why do we feel so impelled to tear apart any of the good that comes along for someone? Is it really necessary to pounce on people, even the best of friends, and tell them what we really think? What’s the value in that at the end of the day? All it really does is make someone feel worse rather than better all because a “friend” was being “honest” with us.

Straightforwardness without the
rules of propriety, becomes rudeness.
CONFUCIUS

Do I really want to know that I look “fat” in a dress after I have taken the time to put myself together? (I mean, after all, don’t I already KNOW this?) Watch someone who maybe is a bit overweight, dressed in a coordinated outfit and smiling because they feel good about themselves (for once), and are happily going about their day. Now, imagine how they feel after someone, perhaps a “friend,” but perhaps not, has decided to be “honest” with them about being overweight on that same day...are they smiling? Maybe they are to just keep up appearances, but that smile has lost its brightness to be sure.

If you can’t say something nice, shut up!
JILLIAN PHILLIPS

Not only do we have “friends” on our backs with this honesty crap, other things are around us as well. There is so much hate in the world, and when I see pictures of children carrying guns, knives, grenades, and other explosives, with hate and fear in their virgin eyes, I cringe. I am reminded of the song “You’ve got to be Taught” (Oscar Hammerstein,II [1895-1960] from the 1949 musical South Pacific, by Richard Rogers & Oscar Hammerstein, II, Copyright © 1949, Renewed):

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear
You’ve got to be taught from year to year
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made
And people whose skin is a different shade
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late
Before you are six, or seven or eight
To hate all the people your relatives hate
You’ve got to be carefully, carefully, carefully,
Got to be carefully taught.

It seems that it begins at home, but what it you don’t have a home? What if you are an orphan, or find yourself in circumstances where there is no example to follow? I think that is why it is so important for all of us to be at our very best, because you never know who’s going to be watching, and take it as an example to follow.

Ultimately, we have just one moral duty:
to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves,
and to reflect it towards others.
And the more peace there is in us,
the more peace there will be in our troubled world.
ETTY HILLESUM, (1914-1943)
(HOLOCAUST SUFFERER)

Cell Phones
To be continued...a rant in progress!